If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
