Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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