So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
