i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
