Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Randomize
