just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
