I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
