My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
