Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
