Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this will be a night to untag.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
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