Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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