My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
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