Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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