The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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