i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
