my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
as a side note pls kill me
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
