True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
