she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
