Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
