doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
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