I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
