You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
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