Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
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