I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
