Cold hands, warm shart.
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
