I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
