he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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