You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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