this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Someone signed my nipple.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
