my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
