Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I need to stop coming to work sober
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
