you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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