Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
i will never coherently bang her
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize
