I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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