I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
