so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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