Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
