I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
