So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
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