someone get that fucking seahorse.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
