Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
