All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
