Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
