OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
