and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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