i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Randomize