We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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