i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
