This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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