Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
