She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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