I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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