just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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