I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
