too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
