ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Randomize
