You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
