did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I think people are normalizing furries
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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