they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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