how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
