Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
