Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Randomize
