do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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