Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
