there's paper in my vomit.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Randomize
