Your tits are I can't wait for
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
