Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
