I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
