Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
