puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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