All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Randomize
