Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
