i wish starbucks made bloody marys
fuck your aforementioned shoe
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize