You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
