i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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