I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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