So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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