Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
