Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
