Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
