I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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