I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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