You're completely useless in the revolution.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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