I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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